Me myself and I

So I was 26 last weekend. and my lovely boyfriend and I went to Dublin from Friday to sunday. he paid for the hotel. it was just for a little break for the 2 of us.

For the past 3 birthdays together we've been away. this year instead of DUblin we went slightly cheaper and got a bargain priced hotel deal in Central Dublin and took the enterprise train!

we were in Belfast at 7.15am to catch the 8am enterprise train, (needed to be early to collect tickets)

10minutes on the train and we were informed it was having mechanical issues and would have to go back to belfast! after half an hour of it moving 2 cms back and a metre forward we were then moved two stops closer to Dubluin and put onto a crappy NIR train for the rest of the route to Drogheda (atm the enterprise has bus substituion from drogheda cos of a bridge collapse)

All in all we were in Dublin at 12. a full 90mins later than we shoudlve been.

well we got to the hotel and settled in and headed out. me getting treated to lots of wee things... He's in his element he says... cos after 3 years of me paying for some stuff and driving him about while he studies and doesn't work.. hes able to treat me! (SOooooooooo Sweet!!)

anyways. on saturday we spent allday out and about. did the CSI experience (which was easy) and saw couples retreat and shopped and stuff. after dinner we were pretty wrecked so decided to head back to hotel for a wee while.

once in we decided to start packing up for heading home next day... thats when we noticed things were not as they should be. my suitcase which had been closed and slid into the bottom of the wardrobe was lying on the floor, wardrobe doors were lying wide open. his bag and coat were thrown across the bed.

although the bed had been made there was a semblance of disarray around a room that had been "cleaned". we took it as they had just thrown stuff on the bed while sorting the room.

neither of us looked into the bathroom in great detail except to check that the towels had been refreshed.

so later as i was looking for the vest top and shorts set I'd bought just last week to wear in bed and any amouunt of searching we couldnt find it. I remembered it had been in bathrrom but no seraching ANYWHERE could locate it... so somewhat annoyed I assumed the cleaner had lifted it by mistake amongst towels or something.

then Richard went into the bathroom and said to me... did you pack your shamppoo and stuff that was in the shower... sure enough... they had taken MY Facewash and shampoo and conditioner.

how kind of her to leave my toothbrush and toothpaste tho.

we searched more to see what was misisng. I checked the dressing table. MY GHD's were still there and my wash bag... but I couldnt see my makeup bag (which Id restocked with Foundation, mascara and face-powder b4 we'd left for Dublin!) Usuallty I bung it in my handbag but I remember not taking it as I didnt fancy lugging it about Dublin!

so they had halped thereselves to my makeup to.

further searching revealed theyd taken nothing else!

I immediately went down to reception to report it,

the guy called the earlier receptionist to find out the cleaners name and he told me he'd call her.

I went to the room fuming and he called up and said the cleaner wasnt aware tht there was makeup on the desk... she must have a GREAT memory/// for im certain she didnt just clean my room.

he told me to come down in the morning when checking out and he'd leave a report for the manager. what with me having no means to clean my face or hair we went to an allnight tescos and got some!

the nest morning I spoke to the receptionist who'd been informed. there was no manager about however they had left a message that it would be dealt with internally, they refunded a nights stay and asked if I wanted to file a garda report... I had to leave for a train and whats the point over some makeup and a vest top... but they refused to believe a cleaner would do it and seemed to feel someone had ran up to the 5th (top) floor) to steal shampoo facewash and makeup!

i dunno!... it's all very weird if you ask me!!

Anyway. Im gonna send a letter of complaint and write bad reviews online because it was a shambles!

however Dublin... and the time away with my fella was lovely! haha

and I'm able to laugh about it now!

a few days ago an old friend from Performinfg arts had commented on another friends facebook status.

i hdnt visited his page in ages so went on and left a wee comment. i went back there now to see if he'd replied to it... and he's deleted my comment. it was one in a kinda string of replies ppl had left him.

Im sittin here feelin a little hurt. i never did anythg to ever hurt him, he went to england and we lost touch but now its apparent that he wont even let my comment stay on his facebook page. that hurts... whats worse is the person he'd left a comment to initially he hadnt ever really got on with in tech.

I dunno why im even bothered. life goes on and all that... just it stings a little

I feel TIRED

I see THE COMPUTER SCREEN

I need TO GO MAKE MY LUNCH

I find that I WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. I MUST STOP AN DPLACE IT ALL IN GOD'S HANDS

I want TO LIVE WITH MY BABY

I have GOT MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR

I wish I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE

I love RICHARD

I hate WORRYING ABOUT MONEY

I miss VAL

I fear THAT IL NEVER GET MYSELF FINANCIALLY SOLVENT

I hear THE KEYS CLICKING AS I TYPE

I smell MY PERFUME

I crave ROLOS

I wonder WHAT WE'LL DO IN PILATES TONIGHT

I regret - I DONT REGRET BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS BEEN AN EXPERIENCE IN LIFE

When was the last time you

Smiled? AT MY BOSS ABOUT 10MINS AGO

Cried? NOT SURE...NOT THIS WEEK THANKFULLY

Bought something? YESTERDAY - A CARDIGAN

Danced? LAST NIGHT... BOPPED IN MY ROOM

Kissed someone? THIS MORNING

Watched your favourite movie? LAST WEEK

Had a nightmare? LAST WEEK

Last book you read? MY SISTERS KEEPER

Last movie you saw? THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB

Last song you heard? ROCK STAR BY MILEY CYRUS

Last thing you had to drink? TEA

Last time you showered? MONDAY NIGHT

Last thing you ate? FRY

Do You

Smoke? NO

Do drugs? TESCO IBUPROFEN WHEN I CANT BEAR A HEADACHE

Sleep with stuffed animals? YIP... LAMBS

Live in the moment? I TRY

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? YES

Have a dream that keeps coming back? NOT REALLY ANYMORE

Play an instrument? VIOLIN PIANO AND GUITAR

Believe there is life on other planets? YEH

Read the newspaper? YEH IF IVE TIME

Have any gay or lesbian friends? YEH

Believe in miracles? YEH - I BELIEVE IN GOD SO I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES imho

Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? I HOPE SO

Consider yourself tolerant of others? TRY TO BE

Consider love a mistake? NO

Like the taste of alcohol? DEPENDS

Have a favorite candy? AT THE MOMENT ITS ROLOS

Believe in astrology? NOT REALLY

Believe in God? YEH

Pray? YEH

Go to church? YEH

Have any secrets?EVERYONE DOES

Have any pets? NO

Go to or plan to go to college? STUDY AT NIGHT AT NRC

Talk to strangers who instant message you? NO

Wear hats? YEP

Have any piercings? EARS

Have any tattoos? NO

Hate yourself? YEH SOMETIMES

Have an obsession? WORRYING BUT STUFF

Have a best friend? Yes

Wish on stars? SOMETIMES

Like your handwriting? NOPE

Have any bad habits? LOTS HEHE

remember the earlier boyfriend who towards the end claimed he never had classes himself as a boyfriend... well I've been lucky enuf not to really have to see his face again.. it would appear that my town really is bigger than I thought in that respect... my boyfriend seems to see him more than I do... which isn't a great reminder for him.

I have seen him a couple of times from afar cos he works part time in a local shop... but the happy coincidence is I dont go to that shop that often really... cos its too dear!..

anyways... I think i'd mentioned about the fact that his ex wife felt i was a catalyst on their marriage breaking down (even though i hadnt done anythg but merely work with him)... so I know she wasn't my biggest fan.. OI guess she knew him better than I did as it turned out I wasnt the first workmate he'd shown an interest in whilst being in another relationship... the only difference being I didnt act on it... not while he was with her!!

anyways the last I knew she was working in belfast.

today literally 15mins ago.. I became fully aware that she isn't working there any longer.

I remember maybe a couple of yrs ago when my boyfriend and I were going out about a year or so. we'd stopped at a cashpoint near the big estate of houses that she lives in is... and as i was finishing up and gettin into the car I saw her and her 2 kids get out... she was heavily pregnant. third child to third guy... im not one to judge... I dont know her at all.. I just had the bitter exe's tales in my ear... and hes not one Id trust anymore! however I knew she very soon moved in with the 3rd kids father soon after she split with him...

anyway Im rambling now

so I went to post a couple of packages id sold on ebay... in a post office in a co-op garage near work... theres a post office even closer top my work but id stopped at this garage for petrol so carried them on in. one position was closed but the girl there said to move to open position and a girl would be there shortly.

I was sort of half daydreaming when a chirpy figure popped up in front of me and said hello sorry for keeping you and i looked up.

I instantly thought... oh ive a bad feeling that I kno you.. not a good feeling.. one of those tummy churning feelings. I saw her look at my face and she carried ion about her business weighing packages asking me the routine dribble... and I clocked her name badge and yip it was her.. she was slightly less friendly.. maybe im imagining it because all of a sudden i became like a guilty child.. i couldnt even look her in the eyes...

I dunno what that was about,... I was so glad to get away and made mental note to not visit that post office again... crazy though.. that after all these years... I now associate her with a bad relationship and guilt

Yuck!

i'M SITTING IN WORK ON ME TODD FREEZIN.

I work in a little charity group... when I say loittle its pretty well used in our area however its just me and my boss in everyday whilst we have 3 translartors in part time during theweek. so today is the day that none of them come in and my boss is on leave. shes heading home to india for a week... needs to clear her head.. messy divorce and all that.

She did say she'd be in this morning but no sign of her so hey ho!.

anyway.. it takes ages for this place to heat up courtesy of the little heaters scattered throughout the maze of room.s its about 4-5 mobile buildings joined together. Im still sitting in my coat hugging my 3rd cuppa.. I dont usually drink so much tea im just trying to keep warm. might bring a hot water bottle when the weather gets REALLY cold.

Im car less otday so really am stuck in work! my car is with the mechani. MOT next satudat (24th) and im crappin it. the cars almost 14. and its starting to just fall apart.. ok not so much fall apart but things are getting real tired and I really just need to get my arse in gear and get saving for a newer one... but every month theres always something to pay for.. so crap!

its my birthday at the end of month so I'm hoping to keep birthday money I get in a unopenable tin (haha) and then further payouts im waiting on...(pension refund etc etc)

oh theres my boss in!

best go.

ill continue later!

xx

well me and my lovely fella went to town after my late work board meeting which i thankfully only had to be present for first half of. so i picked him up and we dandered round town and then he took me to the shop and said right lets get it since the weathers cold enuf hehe

awwww i pure loves it... and him!

then we pigged out on mcds and i saw two dresses in the shop my sis is takin me to to get an outfit or two for my birthday so we're for headin in tomo during lunchbreak!

my birthdays still 3 weeks away like but least i know what i want now! yay

time for sleeps

nighty all xx... hopefully il have no creepy dreams tonight!

Maybe im still too worked up to be writing or making any kind of sense now... but the mood I was in this morning evaporated after about 2 hours... not because of my boyf.. he and I are grand... but work... has been just terrible. i know that the week b4 last was a hellish week for me... let me fill y'all in... I am an admin/finance officer for a charity. we work with ethnic minorites in our area. I do all the admin and everything.. we have part time interpreters who come in so aside from them its me and my boss... whose a lovely woman, sweet, would do anything for you.. but shes unorganised and very erratic...

when i started it took me about 2 motnhs to get the filing system left by previous admin staff into some sort of order.. and her way of operating is terrible... She will come in with a handful of papers and each one has a different thing to be done with them and she'll fly out each instruction barely giving me time to write it down... and me stupidly altho ive thought about setting up a to do book for these exact moments I have nt done it yet... so i randomly scribble on whatever papers availble.. l0ose it and am buggered!... which is my fault not hers... but it gets too much sometimes.

shes off for a week next week and we've a big event coming up the week after... not really the time for her to take a weeks impromptu hols but hey ho what can I do...

this week ive run round so far doing stupid wee tings that are over and above my line of work.

tonight i was asked to come to office at 6 to help run some ppl to an english class. a 10min job b4 my pilates class. i arrived.. waited and noone showed so headed on to the gym and texted my boss to let her kno. she called me saying she'd got held up and really needed me to stay there. nothing had been explained to me about waiting, i was told be there for 5.55 and il see you there. the class is at 6. but no... im a mind reader now and shud kno to just hang around. anyways... after gettin a rollicking she ended up gettin things sorted... but i sat in pulates waiting for it to start feeling reall stressed. i hadnt eaten because id run round getting work cheques signed so that her business fone wouldnt be cut off. i was home at 5.30 and had to leave again at 5.45.

it was a rough day and pilates was tough and the stress made me a bit light headed so i took it bit easier but feel wrecked as was tough class tonight. il really feel the pain tomo. anyways had a shower and just tryin to calm a bit.

think il go sleep

night

Whats your take on boundaries... Im a trainee counsellor so life is about boundaries for us... for how we deal with clients... the guidelines, the safety yada yada its all paramount to the big ole career I strive for at the end of 6 years of study!

but what about outside of work...

here's the thing...

my first real relaytionship was with a guy 8 years my senior... just coming out of a relationship... well a marriage...he got married for the sake of his child which i guess was a stupid decision in the long run... but I forever felt that I was viewed apon as a reason for the split. it was never implied by him.. he always said the relationship was doomed from the start... and the interest in me was there while they were still married... don't get me wrong! i NEVER fooled around with him while he was married. but i was younger, had lived a niave life were relationships were concerned... and found that the attention I got... was nice... I guess that made me convince myself that I was in love. he had a kid, and there also was a kid from his exes previosu marriage! Messy huih... yeah! i know!

I became infatuated, sort of reciprocating the infactuation he was showing me... i knew i wasnt the first girl he'd got interested in... heres the extra cherry on top... he was my boss!

i wont go into mega details.. suffice to say as you'd imagine after a couple of years of what i thought was real love, spending time together, losing alot of my morals, shutting out my family, looking after his kid and getting real attached... he started to cool off... within the 2, maybe 3 years together... I was filled with real bouts of fear, terror that Id lose him.. seeing him cool off i became real mental.. like just crying at the thought... not good! scary when i think back!... then i got a new job... full time... something id wanted. And telling him that hed got a little upset and it made me think... oh wait he does want me... butthen our time together became more like friends rather than what it had been before... he started talking botu another woman he liked... I think i lost it one dayt because it was a recurring conversation and he said "i never said we were exclusive"... by this time we'd been on holiday together and I spend the majority of my spare time with him! what does count as exclusive??

ayeways... my heart got broke... i made the break away... without much remorse on his part...and i moved on... its true what they say... you do move on... I met someone great.. someone who knew this guy someone who saw me getting hurt long b4 i did... who was a friend who became the love of my life...

but im way off track here.. where was I?... oh yeah boundareis...

ok so the thing is.. now im wondering what boundaries I have in my relationship... not for what he and I do... but with his family... the issue came up the past few days.. his sister.. cheated on her boyfriend of like 9 years... and feels she's in love with the other guy... my boyfriend is still shocked and disappointed with his sister... and felt i being a woman could talk better about it with her..

I have different view points from him in some ways... and i always wonder where my boundaries are with what I can say to his sister. I offered her my thoughts, i was someone she could call... and I know he struggles tor understand her motives.. I guess I see it more because well I dunno... womans intuition maybe? maybe i understand because Ive seen her guy from a womans perspective... and how he treats her... its an odd relationship. I knwo its possible to fall out of love and fall in love with someone else. But i guess alot of the stuff from my past.. hes aware of but he doesnt want to talk about it. his sister does know though.. and I trust her and all... I mean id tell him if he wanted to know... but he doesnt... and thats his issue not miine... ive dealt with my past... he hasn't just yet... but is it ok to talk to his sister about her problems in relationships... or if i make a call, or say something different from

I met my fella this morning as has become the norm on wednesdays for a hearty fry in the local cafe in town that does the best ones!

today was the kind of weather I like... clear skies, and a nip in the air... ok more than a nip... it was freezing! but i was cheery enough... I got our hotel in Dublin booked last night (he's paying for my birthday) and so was happy at the thought of a few days away together. i just realised that for past 3 years we've been together we've been away over my birthday.

mums babysitting her honorary grandaughter(my cousin who was practically raised with us... daughter) on hallow'een night anyways so why not go away.

anyways.. my sis is taking me shopping in NEW LOOK for my present HAPPY days... but' i'd spied a gorgeous duffel coat in debenhams (pictures attached) but its £69 and I cant afford it and I wouldn't ask anyone to spend that much on me (espec as he's paying hotel (which isnt that much - £96 for 2nights room altogether)) but this morning as i was leaving my sis to work (weds routine) she asked if id prefer the coat.. heart of hearts i really want it(couldve used it this mornin in that bitter cold) so said yeh.

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I should be asleep,

today was hectic, organising our inernational childrens Gala and running around a theatre after kids supposed to be ready to go onstage wasn't how I saw my life and work panning out years ago but its where I'm at now.. but I'm not getting into that right now... this is a brief entry...I'm tentatively dipping my toe into the cool water of blogging, if you will, getting a feel for it.

its been years since i blogged... or had an open diary as it was back then. nowadays my moods, days, feelings etc are summed up into a frivoulous witty (or an attempt at being witty) status update for facebook... and even then... in the notes section Im almost afraid to write my innermost thoughts in case that the "friends" i'm linked with would read it when in fact friend is perhaps too generous a title to give them.. perhaps i want to feel popular by linking with people i barely spoke to in school years ago.. but I doubt i'm the only one whose done it.

so here i am, starting a blog... to see if my counselling tutor is right in saying that continuing on with a form of my personal journal is a good way to personally develop as i continue on my quest to be a good counsellor. who knows... time will tell.. all i know is I did enjoy and find benefits from my class journal... so what the heck.. i'll give it a go!

so soon i promise to start my blog journey... for now it was a quick intro.. to familiarise myself with things! Im still not sure how i want to go about it... do i start detailing my past.. talking about myself from present day... whats the "done thing" here... i think that perhaps that is my choice and we'll take it as it comes

but for now...

I should be asleep!

night dear Void xx